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I Don’t Want What You Have (Except for Today…)

The past few days have been kind of weird for me. Even as I’ve been taking inventory of my life and counting the many blessings, feelings of inadequacy and comparison to others has been sneaking into my thoughts. I’m pretty in tune with my feelings, so as soon as those thoughts start slipping through, I check myself and redirect my thinking, but, if I’m being honest…it’s hard work. Once I start comparing myself to others, putting their haves up against my have nots, my self-esteem instantly becomes at risk. And you know what happens when a person’s self-esteem drops…everything starts getting all jacked up.

Fortunately, I attend a really great Bible study with a group of women that I feel really comfortable with, and I confessed my thoughts to them. I had already prayed about it, but I wanted more accountability, so I decided to share. I’m glad that I did. God used them to remind me that only what I do for Him will last anyway, so there was no use in coveting what other people have. He gave me the blessings and the gifts that I have, and they are specifically for me. If I am supposed to have, or do, what someone else has or does…I’ll get it. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, my attention should be spent making full use of what He has given me.

Being a Blogger, it’s so easy to get caught up into things that really aren’t even important to me. I appreciate everything that I have received as a result of my work, the cool products, invites to private events…but those things have never been important to me. It’s not just something that I tell myself, either. Those things just don’t matter that much to me. The personal connections and friends that I have made, the wonderful family experiences and memories that have been created, the ability to do work that I love…those are the things that matter, those are the things that are really important to me.

And I know that. And now I’m back to myself. My blessed and content self. These feelings will probably come up again…I am human after all, but I’m going to keep working on being happy with me, while being happy for others. Do you ever feel this way? What do you do when you have these feelings?

Saidah Washington

Monday 29th of April 2013

I do much of what you do Brandi. I redirect my focus back to the source of my contentment which is Christ Jesus. He reminds me of what's important and what my life is about. It's easy to become self focused and start comparing but I'm so glad I have a REMEDY who doesn't let me go to carried away with myself.


Monday 29th of April 2013

Reading this makes me feel not so alone as I struggle to love and appreciate where I am, what I have. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It's not that I want people to go through what I am going through but I want to know that it does get better.