Love your husband, but have low sex drive?
You’re not alone. It might be HSDD.
My husband and I were celibate for an entire year before we got married. We’ve always been incredibly compatible in and out of the bedroom, so I was counting down the days until I walked down the aisle and we could get to the good stuff! Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out the way I expected.
At first I thought it was because I was under the weather during our honeymoon. Of course we were intimate, but I expected that we’d be like rabbits, making love non-stop when we finally got the chance. Once we got home, though, things slowed down. Maybe it would take a little bit of time to get into the hang of things since it’d been so long, I thought. Perhaps it was because I had babies on my mind and he didn’t. We just weren’t on the same wavelength. No matter what, though, I couldn’t figure out what was going on.
I was physically attracted to my man. I felt good about myself. Something was just off. I was there, but not really. I enjoyed being with him, but was blasé about the act itself. Surely there was more to marital intimacy than this.
I thought something was wrong with me.
Before we were married, I couldn’t wait to be intimate with my husband. I was looking forward to it, anticipating it. When I finally had the chance, and experienced having a low sex drive, it started to affect me in other areas. I felt like I wasn’t fulfilling my husband’s needs. I was afraid of being a disappointment to him. Would he regret marrying me? Could this be a deal breaker for our marriage?
Of course, there was no need for me to worry. My guy married me for better or for worse, and he was committed to helping me figure out what was going on. In fact, he was the one who gently suggested that I talk to my doctor about my low libido. After trying things like changing my diet, increasing exercise, and lowering my stress, it was apparent that something else was going on.
When I talked to my doctor, she encouraged me to lower my stress and also suggested something else. She thought that I might have HSDD, or hypoactive sexual desire disorder. HSDD is a real medical condition that occurs in women. While we hear all the time about sexual dysfunction in men, it’s rarely discussed as an issue that some women with low sex drive face as well.
It’s time to break the bedroom silence.
When I finally started sharing my story about low sex drive with friends, I had many of them tell me that they had experienced the same thing. They were afraid to talk about it. Women who aren’t into sex with their husbands are called prudes, or frigid. Society as a whole doesn’t take it seriously.
Well, ladies. We’re going to break the bedroom silence. We deserve to enjoy being intimate with the one we love, and if we aren’t, we need to figure out why. Learn more about HSDD on the Right to Desire website, and find out how to get your desire back.
This is so interesting!!!
I’m the opposite—I’m ALWAYS interested in sex and intimacy and all that. But i know I’m the minority here. This is such an important topic to talk, share and break the silence on.
Omg! Thank you for sharing such a precious and personal post. It’s not always easy to share the places closest to our hearts. I have never been married but this has happened to me a few times in my life. Thank you for sharing this. As Black women…nobody talks about us and not wanting to have sex. We have expectations in the opposite direction.
I didn’t know there was a name for this or if others felt like me .
Nice to know it’s not just me.