When Fear And Work Get In The Way Of Marriage

Terrence and I had an argument last week.

It’s so rare for Terrence and I to disagree. We joke around a lot, and are genuinely agreeable towards each other. He really is my best friend. Unfortunately, work is starting to interfere in our relationship. Terrence is frustrated because I seem to be working all the time. During the day I’m writing, coaching and pitching, and at night I work full-time (from home, but still…) at a large social company. In between that, I’m running Ayva here and there, trying to keep the house straightened up, and sneaking in a couple of hours for sleep.

I’m exhausted, he’s exhausted, and something has to change.

The thing that I realized after reflecting on his concerns and my schedule is that the problem isn’t the work. The problem is the fear.

Fear Is Holding Me Back

My fear is holding me back.  I’m working harder not smarter out of fear that things won’t work out. Here are just a few of the things that I’m scared about:

• No one will like my products.
• If I charge too much, people won’t buy from me.
• If I charge too little, people won’t value me.
• My new blog won’t get any pageviews.
• I’m not Marie Forleo or Jai Stone or Danielle Laporte, so no one will pay me to give them advice.
• I don’t have an advanced degree or any sort of marketing, social media, or business credentials.

I know. It’s a lot.

As a coach, my job is to push folks towards their greatness. I can do that because I believe in people. I see the best parts of folks and am able to help them to enhance that and make money from it. I’m not really sure why I can’t do that for myself.

Fear has me working day and night to make ends meet because I’m too afraid to increase my rates, and too afraid to launch something bigger.

Fear has me stalling on goals, and even wasting money in the process.

Fear has my husband frustrated with me, and it’s getting in my way.

I feel a little lost and a lot tired. I know what I want to do, and what I’m called to do, but I don’t really know if I’m doing it right. I don’t want to lose.

I Can Always Start Over

I hear the first step is admitting that you have a problem. I’ve done that. The next step is pushing through the fear anyway. It’s making decisions quickly, and not overthinking. It’s moving fast and knowing that if something breaks, it can always be put back together. Or not. I can always start over.

Fear is not allowed in my space anymore. I’m releasing it, and instead welcoming confidence and bravery into my life. I may have to do this same thing again tomorrow, and the next day, but if I’m blessed enough to wake up, I’m already on my way to winning.