Today is my birthday, and, as is the case with most of my birthdays, I spent the last week stressing over the “supposed-to-dos” that didn’t get done since the last time I celebrated getting a year older. Two nights ago, as I tried to figure out how to squeeze 363 days worth of goals I was supposed to achieve into 48 hours, a simple thought became illuminated to me, “You have time.”
I have time. Oh. Right.
My concept of time is definitely a little off right now, and it has a lot to do with living with a toddler. Every day she’s different. Some days it’s a new word, other days it’s a new expression, or a new song, or a new attitude. She’s busting out of her pants, busting out of her shoes, practically out of pull-ups…it’s hard to keep up. And although I haven’t changed much (well, physically, anyway) over the last 2 years, she’s completely different than when I first brought her home. Some days I look at Ayva and I’m like, “Wait…you’re a person. And I’m your mom. I’m a persons mom. Weird.”
Yeah, it’s really weird, but it’s life. Babies grow into toddlers grow into children grow into teenagers grow into adults. And then, if you’re lucky, you’re an adult for a long, long while. Time kind of slows down, and that’s when we get the chance to really, really take in, and reflect on, life.
I’m just in a different time zone than I used to be.
In this time zone, I have the time to make thoughtful decisions before jumping into a potentially risky situation.
I have the time to research options and choose the best ones based on what Ayva and I need.
I have the time to get to know people before leaping into a partnership…personal or otherwise.
There’s time to take a day, or two…or three, off if I need to because I need to regroup or reassess what it is that I want in life.
I have time. There’s no pressure, no rush. I have time to face the challenges I’m given, and time to celebrate the successes I achieve.
Yup. Totally awesome birthday gift. Totally awesome.