Today marks 6 months of being married. Six whole months. Terrence and I will only be newlyweds for a little while longer, then we’ll take our place as wise old wedded folks, giving unsolicited advice to the newly betrothed. Terrence and I received a lot of tips before our big day. Some of them were relevant, and some weren’t. Of course now that I’ve been legally boo’ed up for half a year, it’s my turn to start giving back, using my own experience with marriage, and telling the new newlyweds what’s really up!
Check out pictures from our wedding day!
The one and only tip that I’d give for wife during her first six months is to spend the most time getting to know your partner. No book, relationship expert, or video series is going to give you all the answers about how to make your spouse happy. You have to be observant, engaged, and curious about YOUR spouse, not some “hypothetical husband”. Just like you wouldn’t want your husband to cater to the needs of a woman whose needs are different than yours, you shouldn’t cater to the needs of some textbook man. No two men are the same.
When I was single, I read all sorts of books and articles that said if a woman wanted to get married, she should:
- know how to cook
- have a stable job
- own a home
- give up her dreams
- treat her boyfriend like a king
- never give ultimatums
- exercise and be fit
Let me tell you something, those things don’t matter if the man isn’t for you. I cook, but I’m no “Big Mama” by any means. I’m working on it, but there’s plenty of nights my new husband chowed down on dry chicken because I’m learning. When my husband proposed, I had just been offered a full-time job after months of working as a contractor. I wasn’t rolling in the dough, by any means. I didn’t own a home, treated my boyfriend like a BOYFRIEND (not a fiancé, not a husband, and definitely not a king), absolutely gave an ultimatum in regards to marriage, and as far as exercising? Well, we’re working on that!
Read about how I met my husband
The #1 thing that I’ve learned in my new marriage is that a commitment to the relationship, a strong foundation, and communication are the things that matter the most. From those things will come a willingness to want to learn to cook better (and flexibility from your partner to suffer through support you as you learn), and a desire to treat your husband (NOT boyfriend. A husband and a boyfriend are TOTALLY different) like a king. Devotion to your marriage and your husband will diminish the need to give ultimatums, and motivate you to work harder (and together!) to get that house, be fit, or to reach those goals.
Marriage is one of the best things that has happened to me. Marrying Terrence, in particular, is one of the best things that has happened to me. While neither one of us is perfect, we are absolutely perfect for each other. I can’t think of anything else that I’d rather do than to spend the rest of my life with him and Ayva by my side.
I don’t like the idea of people saying that you have to give up your dreams when you meet a guy. I love the fact that Danny supports me with anything I want to do! It’s one of the reasons why I said yes when he asked me to marry him. If he’s not supporting you as a boyfriend, he’s probably not going to do it when he’s your husband either.
Thanks for sharing what you’ve learned so far!
Congrats on your marriage! I’m a 9-month newlywed and was wondering when I would be qualified to hand out marriage advice lol. But this is great advice and certainly rings true as far as my experience goes. I can cook a little somethin’ somethin’ but every other night is an experiment and I praise God for my husband and his willingness to be a taste tester lol. I had a terrible job and making pennies when we got married but he was willing to carry the financial load until I (hallelujah) found a better job. I surely didn’t own a home….I was barely making rent on my tiny apartment lol. And the list goes on…..but when God ordains a marriage and you make the daily choice to be together, those things don’t matter. Like you said, you will work on them together.