The end of the school year brings relief, but it can also stir up unexpected emotions for our tweens.

As we countdown to summer break, I’m watching my tween experience this interesting mix of excitement and anxiety that seems to define the end of fifth grade. She’s thrilled about sleeping in and pool days, but I can also see the worry creeping in about leaving her teacher, missing friends, and facing the unknown of middle school in the fall.

This transitory time is actually the perfect opportunity to have those mental health conversations with our kids that we know are important but never quite know how to start.

Why Summer Transitions Affect Tween Mental Health

The thing about tweens is that they’re caught between childhood and adolescence in the most beautifully complicated way. When you add a major routine change like summer break, it can feel overwhelming.

This year, I’ve noticed my daughter expressing worries I wouldn’t have expected. She’s concerned about maintaining friendships without seeing kids every day at school. She’s nervous about having less structure and whether she’ll be bored. There’s also this underlying anxiety about growing up – summer break marks another year closer to high school and all those big kid milestones.

What’s helped me understand her perspective is remembering that tweens are experiencing these transitions for the first time. These unknowns feel huge because they are huge in their world.

Starting the Conversation Naturally

The beautiful thing about mental health conversations with tweens is that they don’t have to be formal sit-down talks. In fact, those often backfire because tweens can smell a “serious conversation” from a mile away and immediately put up walls.

While we’re making summer plans together, I might mention how I’m feeling excited about having more flexibility but also a little nervous about managing less structure. This opens the door for her to share her own mixed feelings without feeling like she’s being interviewed.

Car rides are golden for these conversations. During our drive to the store yesterday, my daughter casually mentioned that she’s worried about being “behind” her friends socially over the summer. That led to a really honest conversation about how friendships naturally ebb and flow.

Addressing Common Summer Mental Health Concerns

One thing I’ve learned is that tweens often have very specific worries about summer that adults might dismiss as minor. But to them, these concerns feel valid and important, so we need to treat them that way.

The fear of losing friendships is huge for this age group. My daughter was genuinely worried that not seeing her best friend every day would somehow damage their relationship. We talked about how true friendships can handle distance and made concrete plans for maintaining connection – weekly FaceTime calls and planned activities.

Another common concern is the loss of routine and structure. Some tweens thrive on the predictability of the school day, and summer’s open-ended nature can actually create anxiety. We’ve been working together to create a loose summer routine that includes some structure but also plenty of flexibility.

Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills

Summer break offers a unique opportunity to help our tweens develop emotional regulation skills without the pressure of school stress. One practice that’s been helpful in our house is what we call “emotion check-ins” – just occasional moments where we talk about how we’re feeling and why.

We’ve also been talking about the difference between feelings and actions. She can feel disappointed when plans change, and that’s completely valid. But she gets to choose how she responds to that disappointment. This isn’t about suppressing emotions – it’s about developing the skills to experience feelings without being overwhelmed by them.

Creating Space for Mental Health Without Making It Weird

The tricky thing about mental health conversations with tweens is that they can quickly become resistant if they feel like we’re trying too hard. The key is creating an environment where emotional awareness feels normal and natural.

In our house, we’ve started normalizing therapy and mental health support just like we would any other type of healthcare. We also talk openly about our own emotional experiences in age-appropriate ways. This models emotional awareness and self-care without making her feel responsible for my emotions.

Moving Into Summer with Intention

As we head into these summer months, I’m trying to hold space for all the emotions that come with transition – excitement, anxiety, relief, uncertainty. Our tweens are navigating so much growth and change, and summer break is both a respite from school pressures and its own unique set of challenges.

The mental health conversations we’re having now are laying groundwork for years to come. When our kids learn that emotions are normal, that change can be both exciting and scary, and that they have tools for managing difficult feelings, they’re building resilience that will serve them well beyond these tween years.

What conversations are you having with your tween about summer break? Sometimes sharing our approaches helps us all feel less alone in guiding our kids through these important years.