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I’d Like To Lose Touch

Mama Knows It All

Remember back in the day when we used to fall out of touch with people? Maybe it was because we had moved, or switched jobs, or graduated college. Somehow, in life’s transitions, the people that we knew, we just kind of stopped knowing. Now that we have Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, that’s not really an issue anymore. When I moved from Philadelphia last September, I was sad to be leaving friends and family that I loved dearly. We all share so many pictures and status updates, though, that we don’t seem to have skipped a beat when it comes to knowing what’s going on in each other’s lives.

As much as I adore social media, and appreciate the opportunity to stay connected to folks across the country, across the world, I sometimes long for the days of losing track of people. Facebook wasn’t around when I graduated high school, and Myspace was still a couple of years away, so whenever I came home from college, I had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends. It was really cool to catch up and hear stories about the experiences that my friends had during our time apart. Sometimes we embellished the catch up tales to make ourselves seem more cool or interesting than we really were, but who would know? We lived our experiences in real time, and told recaps.

Things are totally different now. Now, you can’t lose track of an old friend or acquaintance if you wanted to. Even if you are bold enough to not accept a friend request from an old classmate, thanks to Facebook’s ever changing algorithm, they’re still bound to get a glimpse into your life through a mutual friend’s network. You know that saying, “Some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?” Well, if you happen to decide that the season of one of your friendships has past, you can’t even unfriend them without fear of backlash and inbox messages asking, “Is everything okay?”. We are all connected now. Forever. And in real time.

Being connected forever wouldn’t be so bad, except that sometimes, we need to move on. We need to be able to lose touch with people in order to, you know, grow. In the past few months, I’ve had my fair share of “that was then” seeping into my “this is now”. I’m not the same Brandi that I was in Philadelphia a year ago. I’m definitely not the same Brandi that I was when I first moved to Philadelphia, or even before Ayva was born. Unfortunately, though, when some folks are still in the same place (whether physically or emotionally), it can be a struggle for them to understand the change in me.  I know, because it’s been hard for me to change. I’ve really had to work at healing from past hurts, learning a different environment, and trusting a new community of friends and family. I don’t expect that everyone from my past will “get it” immediately, but sometimes it’s embarrassing/challenging/nerve-wracking to evolve knowing that the old folks are watching, the new folks are watching, everybody’s watching! (Well, not really. Clearly people aren’t that focused on my life, but you know, I like to write the high drama.)

I know I could log off, deactivate my social media accounts, stop accepting friend requests. I could take myself off of the grid, make it easy for folks to lose touch of me. It’s not going to happen, though. Social media is a part of life now, and for all of the people that I wouldn’t mind losing contact with, there are about 5 others that I want to know every detail of their life. I guess I’ll just keep hiding certain people’s status updates on Facebook, and muting them on Twitter so that I can stumble back on them every once in awhile. And who knows, maybe those same people are muting me back. Then, one day we’ll run into each other on the street and really have to catch up without cutting each other off with, “Oh yeah, I saw that you put that on Facebook!”.

I’d like that.


Friday 22nd of November 2013

Recently I was really, really low on cash and debts were eating me from all sides! That was UNTIL I decided to make money.. on the internet! I went to surveymoneymaker dot net, and started filling in surveys for cash, and surely I've been far more able to pay my bills!! I'm so glad, I did this!!! - qlxt

Arelis Cintron

Wednesday 15th of May 2013

LOL, I shook my head yes on this. A lot of people are hidden and I've stopped accepting friend requests. I've also checked the box to not allow messages from people I am not friends with. They can catch a glimpse of me all they want to on a mutual friends page but I don't know about it, neither do I have to. I deactivated my old account for that reason, well mostly because I was playing games and I needed to stop but I didn't re-friend a good chunk of the list. I love the people who you saw in high school, who never spoke to you but they send you a request. No sorry I don't know you, hide. I've starred the people I want to keep up with and only read those. If I saw someone on the street I probably wouldn't catch up with them; if they were a good friend I'd know what was going on in their lives... just my two cents. I'm not the person I was in high school or in college.

Janeane Davis

Monday 29th of April 2013

I really liked this!

Makeba G.

Saturday 27th of April 2013

I really can relate to this post Brandi. I have ( and still am in a way) going through this very same thing. Like you, it's the "knowing the the 'connected folks' are watching" that I struggle with the most, and the fact that, no matter what or how much you evolve, there will always be those folks who only "see" you as 'the same old you." And what you said is so right: you just have to mute/hide them or whatever and keep going -- do what's needed to make you feel the most comfortable in doing what you need & want to do in your social media space. ~Trust me: I know. :)


Sunday 28th of April 2013

Oh, Makeba, I'm sure you know. I know you've been working through some challenging times, and I just got out of some recently. It's tough to do what you need to do when people are expecting you to...I don't how you used to be. You are absolutely right, going to do what I need to do and make social media comfortable for me...whatever that is. I hope you do the same!