Four months before I walked down the aisle and married my best friend, I took my engagement ring off and gave it back to him. We had an argument, and it escalated from a very simple disagreement (it was seriously so small that I’m too embarrassed to even share it with you!), to me packing bags and threatening to call the whole thing off. Surprising, right? Me, who is so in love, and so blessed to have a terrific man in my life. I was willing to lose everything over a bit of miscommunication.
I tell you what, though.
I’ll never do that again.
You see, being married, taking that oath…we vowed before God and our family and friends that we were going to stick it out, for better or for worse. Taking my ring off, storming out, calling it quits, those are not things that a wife does. Those actions were signs of brokenness (it’s okay…we’re all broken!), and of being human. Those actions stink of ego and immaturity, and now that I’m a wise old wife of nearly 3 months, I get that. Listen, I love my husband. LOVE. He is everything that I share with you all and more. But he is human, I am human, and sometimes we disagree. It doesn’t mean that it’s over.
It’s never over.
Marriage is forever.
I’ve been in relationships before that weren’t worth fighting for, and so I didn’t. This relationship, though, this marriage…this is different. In fact, from the beginning, Terrence and I knew this relationship was not like the others. Learning each other when we’re on two different sides of the United States, it was challenging to say the least. But we persevered and we pushed through it. And then, when we moved in together, unmarried, saved and celibate, that presented a whole new set of obstacles to overcome. Through God’s grace, though, and Terrence’s strength and patience (oh, that man is STRONG, y’all), and my learning to bend and stretch, we made it through. There is no way, NO WAY, I’d give up what we have.
As we make our way to 3 months of marriage, and last week we made it through our first (maybe second?) newlywed disagreement, I’m just grateful for the man that I married. I would fight before I’d let anything destroy our marriage, jump over buildings, swim across seas (and I can’t even swim, y’all), and scale tall building. I’m not going anywhere. And neither is my husband. My amazing, supportive, rock of a man, fighter husband.
That is so beautiful to hear Brandi, but as a wife of 16 years… it is HARD. It doesn’t get easier, but your resolve to keep the marriage together does grow stronger. I’m a child of divorce and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on my children for anything in the world. It breaks you. It broke me. Even 37 years later, I’m still broken by it. But… a marriage should be forever. It should be something worth fighting for… and worth sacrificing for. And worth compromising for. I have loved following your love story. May it grow and flourish and become stronger every day.
Sigh…being broken sucks! I’ve got a guy who is just as amazing, but my brokenness messes with me and in turn our relationship so much…I could’ve easily written this blog post, well, at least the first paragraph. I agree, marriage is forever and if I ever get there again, that will be it for me. Thank you for sharing honestly Brandi!
I love this post! I too, have thrown in the towel in the past over something ever so stupid. Only to thank God that I held on—real and everlasting love is about sticking around, even if we are, for a moment, hurt by the ones we love. Pain, when healthy, is temporary. And what you and your husband have is so much more than that. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. We don’t all have the answers, but talking about these issues puts us this much closer to a solution. Hugs to you!
YES!!! I would not have married my husband had I not thought we were worth fighting for. This post is both the beauty and challenge of marriage but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Happy 3-month Anniversary hon!
This is exactly what marriage is about – sticking and staying.
Too often, people walk away because of small disagreements and not having their way.
That’s childish.
I can tell you as someone who’s been married for 4 years, it doesn’t get easier.
We have moments of bliss and moments when we think “what the French toast” is my husband/wife talking about!
Marriage is like a roller coaster. Just hold on!
This….this right here is so raw but so true! In marriage, there will be disagreements but hey there are disagreements in all relationships (family, friends, work) so don’t just throw in the towel. Fight for what you know is worth fighting for & you didn’t marry to give up on the first sign of a disagreement.
Congrats on the 3 months & I wish you many many more!
So what do you do when an incident that occurred over five years ago, is still hung over your head? That the love we once shared is lost somewhere in the sands of time? No matter how much talking, how much fixing I try to do it’s never enough. We barely talk, we fight a lot, he works all the time, I try so hard and he says he loves me…but I don’t feel it through actions or words. I’m hurt and I’m tires of trying. I’d rather walk away than deal with this pain any longer. We’ve been married 8 years Tuesday and 5 of those have been hell. So what do you do? When do you make the choice to move on even when you know it will hurt so much???
Oh Danna! I’m so sorry I’m just seeing this message. It seems like you are doing EVERYTHING you can to make the relationship work. Have you tried marital counseling? If it doesn’t work for you, and you two can’t find a solution, you HAVE to take care of you. You both deserve peace and love.