My husband Terrence and I met in 2010 at a work conference. We both worked at nonprofit organizations and were very passionate about our jobs. Eight years later, he’s been promoted several times and is more in love with his job than ever. I moved on from my old position long ago, and have not only left that job, but switched careers and am now working for myself.
You could kind of say I did a bait and switch on old boy.
It wasn’t my intention, I promise! It just so happened that 6 months before we met, I started this blog. Over time, Mama Knows It All opened the door to opportunities that I just could not say no to. I mean, this was work that I had dreamed about doing as a child. I took the long way to becoming a writer and am still finding new ways to fulfill my life’s purpose thanks to the work that I do on this site.
After a few full-time positions at media companies that still allowed me to do work that I enjoyed, I started working for myself. It was always in my plans, but after I was laid off following my maternity leave, the timing seemed perfect. Thankfully I’ve been able to create my own business between creating content for sponsors on this site, freelance writing, and other blogging / influencer / digital media / coaching related activities.
My husband doesn’t support my business
My husband, however, does not support my business.
Terrence is a very practical man. It’s the main thing about him that drew me to him. I’m more of a free spirit. I have wild ideas and big dreams. I’m also audacious enough to believe that my big dreams can actually come true. My husband believes in me, but he would definitely prefer I get a job with a steady paycheck.
Even when I get large paying opportunities, he doesn’t really get excited. When the checks come in, he deposits them and that’s that.
Years ago, that used to bother me. I wanted Terrence to get as pumped as I was about my work. I wanted him to be as pressed about making sure I had all of the pictures I needed for a blog post as he was about me replying back to a recruiter who had reached out to me about a position at a tech company.
That’s just not his way, though.
Even still, he helps me.
My husband supports me
Terrence may not be in love with the idea of me working for myself. For all I know, he prays every day for me to find a job. Heck, he might even be the one sending my resume to recruiters! Even though he doesn’t support my business, he definitely supports me.
He bought me a DSLR camera a couple of years ago so that I could step my pictures up on my blog. This Christmas he bought me a light set for my video efforts. He takes off of work to take care of the kids when I have to go out of town for blogging events or conferences, and finances things when my cash flow is short. He has posed for a million pictures, and snapped quite a few as well. He’s signed contracts for me, filled out paperwork, and once allowed our family to be continuously filmed for 2 whole weeks.
Being married to an entrepreneur might not be his thing, but being married to me clearly is.
The way that he supports me, willingly and with no attitude, inspires me to find ways to be as compromising to him as he is to me.
I help my husband support my business in a way that works for both of us
There are a few things that I do to make it easy for my husband to support me and my business:
- I have a few freelance assignments that are consistent and reliable. Even if nothing else for my business comes in, I can cover the expenses that are my responsibility. Having that eases the pressure of Terrence having to worry about paying every single bill that comes into our home.
- When something is a really big deal to me and I need him to be excited for me, I just tell him. That way he doesn’t have to be concerned about all of the ups and downs of my business and have to try to figure out the appropriate response. I get that he doesn’t get it, so I let him know.
- Even though I enjoy being an entrepreneur, I keep my eyes open for full-time jobs. Of course, after working for myself, the job is going to have to be pretty sweet for me to leave the comfort of my house and give up being able to be available to my kids. However, Terrence and I have goals, and if something comes up that will help us to reach our goals faster without a significant strain on our family, I’m going to go for it. The cool thing about running your own business is that you can always do it part-time, take a break, do it at night—whatever you want!
- I have a support system outside of Terrence who get it and who I can go to for the stuff that he won’t understand. It can be frustrating for both Terrence and me when I try to explain something that he just doesn’t get about my work. Of course I always keep him updated, but if I know I want a certain response, I go to my entrepreneur friends who will give it to me.
- My friends Amiyrah and Brandon Martin had a great piece of advice for me. They said to show instead of tell. Terrence isn’t an entrepreneur so he doesn’t get excited about ideas. I skip sharing most of my ideas with him. Instead, I show him results. Checks in the mail is my favorite way to show and prove!
I know some wives get really frustrated when their husbands don’t support their work. I didn’t marry Terrence for him to be in love with my blog, though. He is doing everything he vowed to do when we stood before our friends, family, and God. As long as he’s over the moon for me, how he feels about my work really doesn’t matter to me at all.
Wednesday 27th of October 2021
My wife is teaching right now and hates it. She is so frustrated with her work and caring for kids who don't care. I feel so frustrated FOR her but I can't do anything. Her dream is to be a full time ceramic artist. She is really good and has a serious passion for it. I want her to do it because it makes her truly happy while she is working on it. But I am VERY nervous about her going full time studio artist. I have always had and always will prefer a steady paycheck, so when she gets excited about going full time artist, naturally, I get nervous about how we will support our family. I love her more than anything and that means more than my fears. I want to get over those fears and make the jump with her (I'll still be a steady check). I support her fully but it's just really hard for me to envision her not having a consistent check that we can count on. Any thoughts or advice would be highly appreciated. I added her instagram as a shameless plug, lol, but mostly to show that I know this isn't just some pipe dream. She has desired this for many many years, even before we met.
Dr. Sheila Pope
Friday 6th of April 2018
I loved this blog! Women feel they need their husband to love their jobs. I totally agree with your position. A husband needs to love and support his wife.