Whoever said the first year of marriage would be the most difficult, clearly never met my husband. We are just about at the halfway mark, and things are still going really, really good. I don’t worry about jinxing things because both of us are working hard to make sure we’re keeping the other happy. Both Terrence and I are learning to be submit ourselves to each other, to be humble, and most importantly, to compromise.
Here’s an example. Ayva, being 4, wakes up every morning around 6:47 AM. She’s pretty good about playing in her room until I tell her it’s time to get up, but she’s not good at being quiet while she’s doing it. As she says, “God made me extra loud.” Since I’m a pretty light sleeper, that means I rarely get days to sleep in. Instead of trying to shush her all morning long, I usually just get up and start the day with her. This morning, I woke up and was exhausted. Ayva and I got dressed and headed to Target. When we came back to pick Terrence up, I was ready for battle. I knew he wanted to go to his parent’s house after church, but I wanted to come home. With just the slightest bit of tension, I said to him as he got in the car, “I want to come home after church. I’m exhausted and I want to get some rest.” Instead of telling me that it was going to waste gas, or that bringing me home out of the way, he said, “Okay, I’ll bring you back so you can relax a little bit.” Wait. What? Where was the fight? The attitude? The ego? There wasn’t any. And since my husband is so good to me, I vow to be just as good to him.
I want to make being an amazing wife to my husband a habit.
I want it to come second nature to me, so I’m studying the OG Wives, asking questions and working on making sure that my husband always knows how much I love and respect him. Naturally, with both of us working full-time, and with a 4 year old, together time sometimes has to take a backseat to our other responsibilities, but I believe that it’s still possible to have an excellent relationship despite lack of time. I’ve asked some of my friends to share their tips for being a better wife in 20 minutes or less. Take a look at what these wives had to say:
-Be honest with your spouse, even if the truth is unpretty. – Vaneese at Mommy Works A Lot
-Take your spouse’s side over EVERYONE else, your loyalty will be rewarded. – Janeane at Janeane’s World
-Shower together: scrub each other’s back and let the steam help you relax. Not only do you get a chance to reconnect, but you’ll both be squeaky clean when you’re done! – Thien-Kim at I’m Not The Nanny
-TALK to your partner openly about everything, especially things you may or may not be comfortable with. Don’t assume he knows what you mean; you may have different interpretations of the same thing and only TALKING about it will things be clear. – Racheé at Say it Rahshay
-Do kind little things like surprising them with their morning coffee just how they like or their favorite sandwich tucked in their lunch box for work. Sweet text messages throughout the day so you can feel connected and they know they are on your mind. – Dawn at Mama Harris’ Kitchen
-Simply asking your spouse how they’re doing. Take a real interest in their day every day. – Pamela at Still Dating My Spouse
-Learn how to speak with a “wholesome tongue”. We must speak life and think about what we say and how we say it. It is perfectly fine to tell your husband how you feel and speak truth. As long as we are led by the Spirit, it will be life giving truth. – Mandi at Chewsy Lovers
-Help them greet the morning with encouragement. A kiss, a kind word, or a quick prayer before they leave will show them that you not only appreciate them, but want them to prosper each and every day. – Amiyrah at 4 Hats And Frugal
-Write a love letter or email instead of a to do list. It’s a great way to remind yourself why you’re together, and a welcome sight during his busy day. Kelly from The Centsible Life
-Bite your tongue REALLY hard and if that doesn’t work bite the inside of your mouth! Oh and don’t mutter angry thoughts when picking up their dirty socks all over the living room, once you accept it, it will get easier. – Sarah at Finnegan and The Hughes
-Try to accept that his way of parenting is just as good as your way…and get off his back about it! – Heather at Diapered Dazed and Knights
-Give a hug. Not just any hug, but a hug that you actually put feeling into. Nothing feels better and means more. – Lauren at The Vintage Mom
-Find time to focus only on him. Kids can take up your emotional energy, but you need to remember that once they are grown and flown it will just be you and him again. – Estelle at Musings on Motherhood and Midlife
-Never forget the value of date night. Use your 20 minutes to book a sitter, make a reservation and plan a night out. – Jessica at Eat.Sleep.Be
-Open a bottle of wine, put away your devices, and enjoy each other. – Lyndsey at Sisters to Sons
-Ask about his day, and actually care about his response. – Deanna at From Whine To Wine
-Know how to cook his favorite meal well, especially if it’s one from his childhood & surprise him when he really needs it! – Kelly at The Fabulous Food Fairy
-Ask what you can do for him that will make his day easier tomorrow. That always surprises my hubby and makes him feel less stressed. It opens the door to more conversations too! – Carrie at Chockababy
-Dream together…talk about your future life, let him know you’re in it together. – Hillary at My Scraps
What else would you add to the list, Wives? How can you be a better wife to your husband in 20 minutes or less?