Nothing destroys a cute summer outfit like a big ‘ole clunky purse. I know because I’m totally guilty of carrying a huge, black granny bag with me in all types of heat.  When I see pictures of myself,  holding a big winter pocketbook, and wearing a little sundress, I can’t even deny how crazy I look! Memorial Day marks the official start of summer fashion season, and I’m determined to have purses that are as fashionable as my outfits.

Being a serial black bag buyer, I knew that I needed to go to Sears to check out some brighter options. Sears always has a lot of purses in different colors and styles to choose from. Besides, I figured if I’m going to Sears, I might as well pick up something to wear on Memorial Day, right? Of course, selecting a dress was the easy part. Sears had sweet maxi dresses on sale for $19.99. I’m a Shop Your Way Rewards Member, and I had $3 worth of points, so the dress cost even less than that! If the gorgeous blues in the dress hadn’t sold me, the price definitely would have.

Once I had the dress out of the way, I was on to the challenge of finding a purse that was worthy enough to be worn with it. Trying to narrow down the choices was so difficult! No, really. It was hard. Here, check out my shopping trip.

Should I go with neutral colors?

Was I brave enough to go neon bright? 

Would fringe bring the flavor I was looking for? 

Finally, I asked my fashionista friends on Instagram to help me decide which purse I should choose. They all agreed that the coral pocketbook looked really summery and fresh with the blues in the maxi dress. I picked up a pair of dangling earrings on my way to the register, and when I got home, I let my afro loose, and got my summer on. Bye, bye black granny bag! Hello Summer!

How are you summer-izing your wardrobe?

I’ve always been a girl’s girl. I don’t understand when women say they “don’t hang with females.” They are usually so proud of themselves, too, proclaiming it loud and proud, typically in the earshot of a group of men. I get it. Women are emotional. We often express our feelings more than men do. But to “not hang with females” over that? That just doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve been blessed to have amazing friendships with remarkable women who have my back. Oh, there’s been some drama with some of these women. There have been some arguments, some hurt feelings, but you know what? The confidence that I have in knowing that no matter what, my girls will be there for me, totally trumps all of that.

This is not to discredit the men out there who are great friends, but I can’t imagine a man replacing the type of interaction and sisterfriend love that I get from the women in my life. I’ve cried with my girls over everything from lost loves to bad haircuts. We’ve sang at the top of our lungs to love songs for hours at a time. And my girls have prayed for me, y’all. I’m talking old school, backwoods country church deep in the country, big hat, Sunday best, take me to the river type prayers. Let me tell you, there is POWER in having a group of women who make sure you’re always covered.

As I get older, I’m learning to appreciate the women in my life more. Some of my friendships are older than others, but they’re all equally as valuable to me. Over the last few years, I’ve had lessons in cultivating and nurturing relationships that last, and a lot of it comes from modeling the behavior that’s exhibited to me. Isn’t that a great blessing? This type of blessing isn’t unique to me, though. Most of the women I know have girlfriends that support them, too. If the women around you aren’t building and lifting you up, then you need to find another group of women to be around. But don’t give up on them. Please, don’t give up on us.

Do you have a group of friends that support you? Tell me about them!

When Terrence and I first started planning our wedding, I wasn’t convinced that save the dates were necessary. I mean, isn’t that what invitations were for? After doing a little more investigating, it became clear why Save the Dates were so important. That realization, of course, came with a task (as most wedding realizations do), so Terrence and I scoured the Wedding Paper Divas site to choose just the right save the date for our big day. Take a look at what we found, and find out why you’ll want to have save the dates to announce your wedding, too.

Save the Dates Set the Tone
When you’re looking for your Save the Dates, everything from the font, to the color, to the layout can help you to set the tone for your wedding. We are planning to have a quintessential Northern California wedding. Our decor is going to be minimal to showcase the natural beauty that our great state offers. Our ceremony is outdoors, and the reception will be an indoor and outdoor affair, so we searched for Save the Dates with a relaxed feel to give our guests an idea of what to expect. Wedding Paper Divas had quite a few choices that totally nailed what we were going for. One of the first designs that we considered was the Restored Calendar postcard. The formal font, and “elevated neutral” color (it’s called Yogurt!), partnered with our picture at a beautiful Santa Cruz beach right before sunset certainly made us feel chill!

Save the Dates Give Your Guests Time To Plan
Since we are an East meets West couple, all of my family and friends are coming from the East Coast. We want to give them as much time as possible to plan their time and finances to get to the wedding. You can announce your wedding date on Facebook and send emails and text messages all you want, but if your guests are anything like me, nothing’s definite until they get an official Save the Date. Once your guests know your date and the location, they can start setting alerts for airline tickets, request time off from work, and make any other arrangements they need to while you figure out the wedding specifics. One of the interesting products that Wedding Paper Divas had was Save the Date magnets. I thought those would be a neat and handy way for out of town guests to remember our wedding date. I like the Ticket to Wed design. It’s clean and attractive, and would look nice on anyone’s refrigerator! Also, the date in large font is hard to miss.

Save the Dates Buy You Time on Choosing Invitations
So, apparently wedding invitations are extraordinarily complicated to buy. First there’s the invitation, then the response card, maybe a registry insert, and anything else that will fit into that little envelope. Invitations typically go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Save the Dates will buy you time from the folks who are excited that you are getting married. You know, the folks that ask you every time they see you when they’re going to get an invitation! Seriously, choosing Save the Dates are a piece of cake compared to selecting invitations.  You can get them out quickly, and have more time to focus on selecting your invites. A design like Retro Wreath: Sorbet by Wedding Paper Divas is sweet and whimsical, and could very well be your last bit of calm before the storm of choosing invitations!

Save the Dates Introduce Your Fiancee to Friends and Family 
Terrence and I had no connections in common when we met, so we’re always meeting each other’s friends or family for the first time. There are a lot of important people in our lives that we’ll be meeting for the first time at the wedding rehearsal. Save the Dates give your folks a chance to know how to spell your fiancee’s name, and can show what your boo looks like. If you choose a design like the We the Wed: White Save the Date Photo Cards at Wedding Paper Divas, you can give your guests a glimpse into how the two of you got together.

Alright, so are you convinced, yet? After Terrence and I sent out our save the date postcards last week, we both started receiving text messages, emails, and telephone calls from family and friends about how much they loved “seeing us” in their mailbox! It was also a great bonding experience for us to browse the website and try out different designs. Now…on to the invitations!

Which of the Save the Dates above do you like? Would you choose any for your wedding? 

Tons of gratitude to Wedding Paper Divas for the amazing Save the Dates! A huge thank you to Christine and A.J. for styling and shooting all of the engagement pictures above! 

Note: While the trend the last few years has been to have a picture of the happy couple on the Save the Date, you certainly don’t have to go that route. Wedding Paper Divas has a lot of lovely text only options for you to choose from.  Terrence and I decided to go with a photo to introduce our family and friends to each other! 

This is what my Friday afternoon looked like!

For the last 10 years, I’ve worked in a career where summer vacations did not exist. I worked in out of school time non-profits, which meant that when school was out, I was working all across the city with youths from kindergarten to the 8th grade. The summers were hard, but fulfilling, and I started to get used to not having them off. When I had Ayva, I started to long for free time during the warmer months.

This summer, I have a totally new career, and, guess what, y’all? The company that I work for has summer hours! I had always heard of summer hours, but thought they were like unicorns. Lovely, mythical things that only existed in the mind of folks that truly believe. Well, I believe, honey, and summer hours exist! Even better, summer hours are here! Now! Every Friday, at around 12:30, I’m (pretty much) off for the weekend. How awesome is that? Summer hours started last week, but today was the first day that I actually signed off (pretty much), and enjoyed having a Friday afternoon free.

Ayva and I walked to the ice cream shop where we stopped and ate ice cream on chairs out front. Then we went to the playground where we timed each other doing ridiculous obstacle courses. Finally, we went to the library, where I didn’t feel rushed, and patiently told Ayva how to spell “Max & Ruby” as she searched  and pecked each letter on the library’s online catalog. As we headed home, conversing casually the entire way, I felt more energized than I’ve been in weeks. It felt good to chill.

So, this is my official notice that summer hours are here. If you need me on Fridays, after 12:30 PM PST…I’ll be at the playground. Or the  bowling alley. Or the zoo. Or…who knows? All I know is summer hours are here! They’re real, and they’re FABULOUS!

How does work change for you in the summer?

I was never a yogurt person. It’s only been since Ayva’s been born that I started to appreciate the many virtues of the creamy, culture-rich, dairy treat. Seriously, what’s not to love? It’s rich in protein and calcium, and is great for your intestinal health. Not only that, it’s delicious! So, what was holding me back from loving yogurt before? Well, I thought it was plain. I have since learned that yogurt is one of the most versatile foods out there. Since summer is coming up, I decided to share some of the ways that I kick yogurt up a notch. Keep in mind that I am totally not a foodie, so if I can do it, so can you!

1. Use it as a smoothie base. Blend yogurt, spinach (yes!), and a variety of frozen fruits for a delicious smoothie for half of what you’d pay at a smoothie shop.

2. Put your smoothie mix into a popsicle mold so your kiddos can enjoy it, too. It won’t even matter that it’s green!

3. Add brown sugar and orange juice concentrate to make a yummy dip for fruit or cake.

4. Bake with it! Replace your butter or sour cream with yogurt for moistness and additional flavor.

5. Make a parfait with yogurt and granola. You don’t need a fancy parfait glass, either. Just put a layer of yogurt, then granola, another layer of yogurt, and top with granola. It’s an easy way to feel fancy and decadent.

6. Mix yogurt with curry or other savory spices for an exotic and healthy dip.

7. Dip sturdy fruit like berries or grapes in yogurt and freeze them for the perfect summer snack.

Do you like yogurt? How do you kick it up a notch? 

Ayva has only been 4 for a little over a week, but I’ve already decided to call this “The Year of the Tantrum”. It’s not like I was caught off guard, though. We’ve clearly been on the road to Tantrum Town for the last couple of months. It seemed like every day I lost a little more of my sweet little 3-year-old, and gained a teeny tiny teenager, complete with the angst and the ‘tude. I honestly don’t think I’ve said, “sassy mouth”, more times in my life than I have the in the past few weeks. This child has a MOUTH on her, y’all. I wonder where she got that from?

Anyway, Ayva’s new thing lately has been tantrums. Not the falling out on the floor, acting a pure fool type tantrums (now that, we don’t do), but more of the “I’m upset so I’m crying. Oh, y’all are looking? Well, in that case, I’ll cry louder and add more heartbreak so that you can ask my mother what’s wrong, and together we can embarrass her enough to give in to what I want” type of tantrum. Just about any occasion calls for a tantrum, too. She misplaced that one sequin that she found in the middle of Target that time? I filled her water cup up too high? And, of course, it’s bedtime? Again? But, whyyyy?

As annoying as tantrums can be, especially when it’s partnered with everyone’s favorite preschool accessory, whining, it’s important to remember where they come from. I’ll admit it. My first instinct when a tantrum starts is to shut it all the way down. I had an epiphany, though. Tantrums need to happen, and I need to chill out, relax, and help my baby learn to express all of these new emotions that she’s dealing with. She’s going to be sad when she can’t go on a playdate with her friends. She’s not going to be happy if she really, really wants ice cream, and I say no. Seriously, how would you feel if someone said you couldn’t go out and drink wine with your girls? You’d want to throw a fit, too, right? Emotions like disappointment, sadness, and even boredom, are things that parents sometimes take for granted when it comes to kids. If we feel these things, why shouldn’t our children? We might not throw tantrums, but we sure do feel like it!

The other thing that was revealed to me today, is that Ayva is at the age where I need to be really honest to her about why she isn’t able do or have something. Then, I need to be patient with her as she learns to deal with not getting what she wants. When she was younger, I could appease her with “you can do that later”, or “you can go next time”. Well, now she knows when later is, and she isn’t going to forget that this time is next time. As my little girl gets older, our relationship is going to change. I do believe that adults should show children the same respect that they want to receive, and a big part of that is being as flexible and understanding with her as I would be with, say, a co-worker, or a friend.

On Ayva’s birthday last week, I took her and her friends out to lunch. One of the friends was coming to our house for a playdate afterwards for just a little bit before her mother came to pick her up. Well, we made a stop at a garden near our house for a bit, and then the little girl’s mom came early, so we never even got inside for the girls to play. Ayva burst into tears saying, “She came too early! She came too early!” She planted herself and wouldn’t move, and made her legs jello when I tried to pick her up. I finally was able to scoop her up, and she wrapped her arms around me, and sobbed into my neck as we went inside. Of course she’s going to be upset! She had prepared all of her toys to show her friend, and had arranged everything just so. She was super excited, and really proud to be able to share her things. Totally tantrum worthy, right?

I’m just trying to be a better mom, y’all. I yell. I’m impatient. I’m tough. But I love this little girl more than anything. More than myself. And I just want her to be happy and emotionally well. Taking the time to understand her as she grows is part of that. And you know what? One day, when she’s giving me real teenager attitude, and throwing tantrums because of boys, I’m sure I’ll look back fondly on her throwing a teddy bear across the room when she feels like she’s not being heard.

Where could you be more patient when it comes to your children? 

My family knows me so well. This Mother’s Day, in addition to gorgeous flowers, cards, and a delicious cup of well made coffee, Ayva and Terrence also gave me Maya Angelou’s new book, “Mom & Me & Mom“. The author, known for her compelling autobiographies, lets readers in on the colorful relationship that she had with her mother, Vivian Baxter. Although Angelou didn’t live with her mother until she turned 13 years old, they still developed a close bond that they both seemed to depend on in their adult years.

Vivian Baxter was quite remarkable. When Angelou was younger, instead of Mother, she called  Vivian”Lady” because she thought Vivian was, “beautiful” and “didn’t look like a mother”. Angelou soon learned that looks can be deceiving as Lady looked after her time after time, and proved herself worthy of the title of Mother. Vivian did everything from help Maya birth and raise her son, Guy, to design costumes with her for Maya’s go-go club debut. When Angelou felt alone and isolated in Europe while working on a project, her mother was on the first plane to Sweden to take care of her. It’s easy to see why Maya Angelou wrote this tribute to her mother.

The book is written in Angelou’s typical straightforward tone, and feels like sitting down in the kitchen and having your Auntie share your family’s history with you. The book is intimate with details about very personal issues like Angelou’s teenage pregnancy, and the time that her mother saved her from near-death after abuse by a boyfriend. Knowing that this book is not fiction, I was very pleased that Maya Angelou didn’t embellish her stories much to try to evoke emotions. Instead, she allowed the authentic experiences to speak for themselves, and trusted that we the readers would be smart enough to know what to feel and when.

I read this book in about 2 hours, and would recommend that you add it to your summer reading list. It will give you more insight into the life of one of America’s greatest authors, and it might also encourage you to look at your own family relationships a little closer.

Have you read any good books lately? What other books would you recommend for my summer reading list?

Disclosure: I tried Old Navy White Jeans as a member of the Old Navy Style Council on Crowdtap. I received a pair of white jeans for myself, and a pair for my friend, Arelis. All opinions are my own. 

This summer, I am challenging myself to be a fashion-risk taker. My first risk? Trying white jeans for the first time. Why white jeans? Well, as my friend Patricia from Boomerwizdom says, “Although the trend now is colored jeans, white is classic. Especially if they fit in the right places.” My college girlfriend Keisha says, “Every woman should have at least one pair of white jeans and white slacks.” Who am I to go against such great advice?

Let me tell you, white jeans are not for the faint at heart. You have to be brave to pull those suckers off, but thanks to some familiar styles at Old Navy, I’ve discovered just how to do it! Don’t be afraid, y’all. You CAN do white jeans. It doesn’t matter if you’re curvy or thin, worried about getting dirty because you’re a mom, or used to wearing dark colors. With the right cut, white jeans can work for anybody. And any body.

1. Wear good panties.

The salesperson at Old Navy suggested that I wear black panties with white jeans, and I’m inclined to agree. I love flowers and stripes, but it’s kind of tacky to see them underneath white jeans, right?

2. Get a sturdy denim.

Just because the jeans are white, that doesn’t mean that the material should be thinner than usual. I liked the Old Navy Rockstar Jeans in White because they give me the heft that I’m used to. Thin white jeans seem to get dirty faster to me, too. I don’t know why. Maybe because they remind me of tissue paper?

3. Find a cut that looks nice on you.

If you spend a lot of time looking for jeans that fit well, you need to double that time when you are shopping for white jeans. They are so flattering if you get the right cut, but look hideous if you don’t. When I was trying jeans on at Old Navy, I was surprised that the Flirt Bootcut didn’t look great on me. They are the style that I buy in regular denim, but they didn’t suit me in white. The Rockstar Skinny Cut looked amazing, though. White denim is different. You may have to step out of your comfort zone.

4. Try color.

I think white on white looks super fresh, but if you don’t think you can pull it off, no worries. Bright colored tunics or shirts look fantastic with white jeans, as do dark colors. I happen to love anything blue denim or chambray, and fortunately, those go really well with white jeans, too.  Oh, and don’t forget your accessories! A colorful belt, shoes, or purse will help you to stand out even more! Take a look at how my girl Arelis paired a colorful top with her white jeans and casual shoes:

5. Don’t think about getting dirty.

White jeans are going to get dirty. Heck, dark jeans are going to get dirty. The more you think about it, though, the less comfortable you’ll be, the less confident you’ll look, and you aren’t comfortable and confident, what’s the point? Now, if you are going to be gardening, I wouldn’t suggest wearing your new whites, but if you’re going out for drinks with the girls, or a concert with your man, go! Have fun! And be prepared to toss your jeans in the wash when you get home!

What do you think, are you ready to give white jeans a try? Do you have any other tips to add for buying or wearing white jeans? 

Moms are not perfect.

We don’t always get it right,

Just most of the time.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Summer is near, so you know what that means. Yes, honey, it’s time pull out the swimsuits. While some of you might be in two pieces, the days of bikinis for me are long gone! After 3 abdominal surgeries, including a C-section, I’m just not comfortable with baring my stomach. I’m not ashamed of my belly, not even the scar, it just feels intimate for me to walk around half naked in front of others with my battle wounds on display. That isn’t going to stop me from being a hot mama on the beach, though. Hey, I still look good! Luckily, there are a tons of one piece swimsuits for me to choose from that will accentuate my positives (like, you know, the booty), while covering up the parts that I don’t want to show.

If you’re looking for some one piece swimsuit options, check out some of my tips of things to look for:

Do you wear a one-piece? What do you look for in a swimsuit?