Getting Back To Mom

child of an alcoholic, healing, forgiveness, Mama Knows It All

Last year around Mother’s Day, things were very different. Life was so stressful for me, and my mother, the one person that I wanted to be able to depend on, just wasn’t able to be there for me. After years of being sober, she has started to struggle with alcohol addiction again, and the mom I used to know was gone. Last year was also the first time that I shared publicly how I’d felt deserted and alone because of her  addiction. I didn’t know it then, but baring my soul like that in the Listen to Your Mother show was the first step on my road to forgiveness.

What a difference a year makes.

By the grace of God, my mother is sober again. She has gone through a rehabilitation program, and is working not one, but two, new jobs, and she and I are both working to heal. Over the last year, those feelings of hurt that I had transitioned into anger, and then I just stopped caring. Once that happened, I knew I needed to ask God to help me to forgive my mother. I prayed for Him to help me to humble myself, to stop thinking about my own needs, and consider what it was that she needed. It took a few months, but eventually He opened my heart and a few weeks ago, I texted my mom:

Hey Mom. Let’s just forgive each other for everything and try to start fresh. You want to?

So, we’re starting fresh. We’re working on becoming friends again. I am trying to learn to trust her again, and I am sure she is trying to figure out how to navigate this new relationship with me as well. I don’t hate my mother. I love her. I always did. I just wanted my Mom back, you know? I’m going to keep praying that this time, she’s back for good.

  • http://twitter.com/janeanedavis Janeane Davis

    Brandi your story was so touching. You have an amazing gift for telling stories in an interesting way. After reading your story, I looked at my moither daughter relationships. A new hurt has me not ready to work on that relationship. But you have inspired me to work even harder on my relationships with my daughters so that we can always be at our best. Thanks for the inspiration. I pray you and your mother enjoy your fresh start and you have a success story to share next Mother’s Day.

  • Pam Stafford

    You are such an inspiration to others! Also, being courageous enough to tell your story I know helps others who are going through similar stories. I am so happy for you and your mother. I will pray tonight that she continues to get stronger and that your relationship with each other continues to grow. You are an example to others and I know that God is also very proud of you as his daughter! Great story and I can tell it is from your heart!

  • Lori

    I can’t help but think of my own mother and her mental health problems. While I don’t have the chance to start again with her, I can actively try to accept who she was, recognize her challenges, and appreciate her attempts to be a healthy person.

    I admire you so much because you are honest and willing to shift your perspective. It’s so difficult to do what you’re doing–to let go of anger and be ready to trust again. Stuff like this…it’s how I know Ayva is a very lucky little girl to have you as a mother and role model and why I feel honored that we’re in each other’s lives. .

  • emy cooks

    I hope to meet you someday. You are a beautiful person and will pray to see the Blessings and Joy of the reunion. Lovely to read your post and your daughter is blessed with a wonderful mom!

  • Arnebya

    Listen to Your Mother is nothing if not significant in the telling of our stories. As my producers said this year, you are telling the story of at least one audience member when you tell YOUR story. Know that, Brandi. You touched someone. And boy, do I get your feelings about your relationship with your mom. I am so proud and envious of your willingness to take the first step. I am not there yet with my mom and our issues aren’t nearly as complex. So, thank you; you’ve given me something to think about (again) today.

  • http://mypocketfulofthoughts.com/ Arelis Cintron

    I can totally relate. Alcoholism runs in my family and it effected my life early on. As I get older I look at it in a different light. It really is a disease. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so happy to hear that you and your mom are working on moving forward, together.

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