Many, many years ago I hung out with a guy who told me that one of the criteria for his future wife was that she be in a sorority. Not that she be kind or empathetic towards others. He didn’t say anything about loving God, or being ambitious. Now, of course, this was a long time ago, so we were in our late twenties, but seriously…a sorority?
That’s bad, but I remember making a list once myself of the type of man that I wanted to marry. There wasn’t anything like organization affiliations included, but there were some things that were equally as shallow. I didn’t specify weight, but I did have a height requirement. If I’m not mistaken, I had a minimum salary requirement as well. I was a silly, silly girl. Thank God for maturity and growing up!
The older I got, the more I realized what qualities and attributes really qualify someone to be a husband or a wife. Being a life partner to another person, that’s a serious job. It doesn’t matter how tall you are, or what you pledged when you were in college…if you aren’t honest, compassionate, loyal, willing to communicate, affectionate, and open, you’re bound to have a difficult time in your marriage.
When Terrence and I first started dating, I liked what I saw about him on the surface a lot. He was fine, educated, gainfully employed, but at that time, none of that really mattered to me. I wasn’t all in on the single mom dating thing, so I didn’t immediately think, “Ding, ding, ding…total package!” Instead, because he and I were both a bit tentative about starting a relationship, we were able to really take the time to get to go below the surface. I got to know more about how kind he is (and how stubborn!). He got to get a taste of how passionate I am (and how bossy!), and we were able to connect in a way that was deeper than physical attraction, or familiar backgrounds.
I’ll be honest. When Terrence and I have a disagreement, I don’t care HOW fine he is. I’m sure when I’m nagging him to death (not that I do, but if I did), my sex appeal is completely lost on him. What brings us back together, though, what makes us want to work it out and move forward, is not wanting to miss out on that compassion and empathy and kindness that really made us fall in love in the first place.
What is it about your partner that made you fall in love?