Stop Settling and Be Amazing.

mamaknowsitall, Brandi Jeter

Over the last few years, I’ve had a lot of challenges. Personal, financial, issues with my family…you name it, I’ve gone through it. I started to get used to the despair to the point that I had started to accept, and even invite, chaos and sadness into my life. I had gotten so used to being tense, unhappy, and unsatisfied that I didn’t even know how to function when things were normal. I’d even venture to say that I didn’t even know what “normal” was anymore.

A few months ago, life changed for me. For some people, it might seem like a fairytale—a cross-country move, an amazing new job, and a fabulous proposal from a loving and supportive man all in the span of six months? It’s real, though. This is my life. So, what happened? How did I go from feeling like I was carrying the weight of the world, to...this? I wish I could take credit, or claim some major epiphany or marketable breakthrough. The truth is, I was so exhausted that I just gave up. I stopped caring about what everyone else needed or wanted from me, and I focused on what I needed to be a good mom to Ayva, and what I needed to keep myself alive.

Slowly, slowly, I started to eliminate the people and the situations from my life that caused me unhappiness. I stopped allowing folks to use me as their receptacle for dumping their hurt feelings and self-esteem issues. I started making my expectations known, made it clear about how I was to be treated, and I didn’t waiver. I didn’t have the energy to if I wanted to, anyway. It was just, “This is what I need. I love you, but I’m not compromising.”

That was the first phase. The second phase, the one I’m in now, came after a few months of getting used to allowing myself to own my right to be acknowledged. This phase is all about elevating my expectations. It’s about not settling, or being okay with mediocrity in any area of my life. From compensation for work that I do, to the way that others treat me, even to the way that I take care of myself…I expect more.

It’s funny how I came into phase two. I was hoping for a job offer from my contract position, and I had a feeling that it was on the way. As I thought about it, I had been saying to myself that I would take the job no matter what it paid, but that I hoped it paid at least XXX. The amount that I had in my head was so low, y’all. So very, very low. But for the old Brandi, it was acceptable because I was used to settling, and compromising in ways that would benefit everyone but me. One day, though, while I was waiting for that job offer to come, it hit me. I was worth more. I wanted to make a great salary. I wanted amazing benefits. I work hard. I LOVE to work…why shouldn’t I be compensated for the effort that I was putting into the job that I would be doing.

As is typically the case when God is trying to show me something, as soon the lesson was learned, I got the job offer…with the offer of a salary that was well beyond what I had ever even considered. I elevated my expectations, and amazing things started to happen. The same thing happened in my relationship. As soon as I stopped feeling like I had to protect my fianc√©’s interest over my own, and I stopped being nervous to let him know exactly what I needed to be happy…he got it. And he was okay with it. And he recognized my worth because he saw me recognizing my worth. And now we’re getting married.

Trying to please everyone, having low expectations, and putting myself and my needs behind everyone else…those things held me back for years. Years, y’all. I thank God for teaching me to stop settling, and showing me how to elevate my expectations. I’m most grateful that He’s held on to all of these good and amazing things for me while I got my crazy self together, and that He didn’t give up on me. So now, I expecting more amazing things to happen. Who’s with me?

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Comments

  1. Settling means giving up to me. When you challenge yourself – TAKE A RISK – you grow. I’m with you, Brandi!

  2. Janeane Davis says:

    I am with you!!! I really like your stoy. What you finally learned is what one of my twins learned in her kindergarten class this year: You have to show yourself good friendship! When you showed yourself good friendship, you started taking and living the advice you would give a friend, life got better. Keep your expectations, standards and dreams high. Our God is an awesome God. He sits in heaven, why should our dreams be in the dirt!

    • BrandiJeter says:

      Your twins are smart girls! We do have to be good friends to ourselves. We treat others like royalty, but when it comes to ourselves, we lower the bar. No more for me!

  3. Carolyn West says:

    Beautiful post. So happy for you. Getting rid of the things and people who make us unhappy is so necessary, and so misunderstood. I had to do that once and people still don’t get it. If we aren’t happy, nothing good will come to us. You go girl… you deserve it all.

    • BrandiJeter says:

      Thank you, Carolyn! You’re right, some people don’t get it. I’m just grateful that I don’t feel like I have to HELP them get it anymore!

  4. Great post, Brandi!

  5. arelis cintron says:

    woot woot … You are not the only person that was there for years… I TOTALLY relate to this post! It is amazing what happens when we open our hearts and expect more from ourselves…others step up! I read something today that we are constantly showing people how to treat us, so it makes me stop and ask myself, Arelis how are you treating yourself today? I still have a lot of work to do myself but I’m a work in progress. Thanks so much for reminding me that things come, and that they WILL come! SO happy for you, for what has come to be and what is on its way!

    • BrandiJeter says:

      Thank you, Arelis! Man, taking care of ourselves is ESSENTIAL. If we can’t do that, it’s no surprise when others don’t.

  6. JasmineBrown says:

    I am always challenging myself to set new goals. It can be hard to face fears and go for… so happy life is changing for you!

    • BrandiJeter says:

      Thank you, Jasmine! I see you doing different things every day, and making the best choices for you and your family. That is awesome, and so inspiring!

  7. I’m with you! The biggest obstacle we ever have is getting out of the way of ourselves. Because of Free Will, we seem to think that we are in control. when The Almighty is the one running the calls. We need to get the distractions out of our way, know we are worth more than our weight in Gold and let the Lord dote on us like the children that we are. I’m so stinking happy for you, Brandi! You are one of the few people I know that deserves everything she’s ever wanted and more. I can’t wait to read more about the blessings that are coming to you!

    • BrandiJeter says:

      Thank you, Amiyrah! Man, if I would have just moved when He told me to all those times…but then, you know, I wouldn’t have this testimony. And really, that’s what this is, a testimony to how good life can be when we truly let go and let God.

  8. So happy that life is changing in such a great way for you. You are such a fantastic person, supportive, and inspiring and it warms my heart to see that you care getting the good things that you have been giving.
    So, so, so happy for you!

  9. kaicongroup says:

    It maybe an oldie, but it is still relevant today. Amazing to see the progression. Continue to not settle for less.

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